Having just had three very over
indulgent days off and having been well and truly stuck in 'Party
Mode'.. although I have to say it wasn't all plain sailing the constant
pill popping helped a great deal. 'Pill Popping'? I hear you gasp... yes
Aspirin, Paracetamol.. anything that I could get my hands on. I had been
thinking for a while that I could feel the stirrings of a cold or
worse, Man Flu.... brewing, hiding, waiting, ready to pounce at the
first sign festive happiness.... a Grinch in the form of a cold coming
around to steal Christmas..... But it wasn't the Grinch disguised as a
cold.. it wasn't Man Flu.... it was a festive bout of Sinusitis, which
saw me wake up on my
birthday(Christmas Eve) feeling like I was wearing
the the face of John Merrick. One side of my face had swollen and fallen
making me resemble a fat faced stroke victim. My wife who I am
convinced is a witch who's powers match those of Gandalf the Grey and
who has mastered the art of potion making so well that it would make
Professor Snape smile(well maybe not)...
Well anyway, the wife made me
something to rub on my face and something to inhale to clear my blocked
sinus drain. The pain was fairly mild then so we laughed it off and I
took a couple of aspirin, rubbed the concoction of dead plant essence on
my misshapen cheek and got on with the birthday celebrations and a good time was had by all, it was my best 21st birthday so far.
Christmas morning came and I awoke choking on a silent scream as my face had doubled in size (at least it felt like it on my side) and the pain was horrible, it felt like I had toothache in my cheekbone, eye socket and every tooth on one side of my mouth ... I spent the day popping pills, rubbing on oils and inhaling the sweetest smelling steam vapour.... oh and drinking copious amounts of alcohol....... and I smiled, well it was more of a lopsided grin but the festivities continued anyway and we all had an excellent Christmas lunch conjoured up by the flick of the witch's wand(if only). The afternoon saw more and more guests arrive and I kept disappearing into the kitchen to pop pills, rub on oils and inhale steam.... oh and open yet another bottle. Eventually my wife(being teetotal) put the last of the guests in the car and drove them home whilst I sat down to finally watch some Christmas tv for the first time, I saw about five minutes of Dr Who(from the middle) and promptly fell asleep, well it was more like a deep unconsciousness even a comatose state that I slipped into with one arm around the dog and still wearing my lopsided grin. I'm unsure whether this was an effect of the Witch's brews, the drugs or the alcohol... but I surmise it was the mixture of all three. My wife woke me in time for me to see the last four minutes of Dowton Abbey, She fed me and filled a hot steamy cauldron bath full of pleasant smells and spells. After a long soak with my cheek dangling loosely over the side of the bath I called it a night and carried my face off to bed
Boxing day arrived, so my wife, my face and I squeezed into the front of the car and took the dog for a walk around the park, my wife said that I shouldn't worry as it was barely noticeable but to me it felt like everyone we passed stared and pointed in disbelief at the hideous humanoid alien creature standing before them, I heard sniggers from every group of dog walkers and there was the occasional blood curdling scream of some child running off in front of us with a look of horror frozen on their small faces..
so we headed for the in-laws for leftover turkey and chips(a family tradition) and a large side order of painkillers. Even the in-laws dog was a bit wary of the stranger with the long face and wouldn't come near me to start with so I went home, sat in front of the television for the rest of the day and hid my face behind my computer screen allowing the loose bits to come to rest in the Quality Street tin.
Luckily, Today the swelling has gone down, the pain has eased a bit and my face is almost back to it's hideous normality. So all is well with the world once again I
am now ready to return to the mundane routine, and unsociable hours of
late shift life on the Railway. Christmas Eve(My Birthday), Christmas Day and
Boxing Day have been a pleasant break from life in the shadows ferrying human dross around but these happy distractions must come to an end so it's time to press post and head for work
birthday(Christmas Eve) feeling like I was wearing
the the face of John Merrick. One side of my face had swollen and fallen
making me resemble a fat faced stroke victim. My wife who I am
convinced is a witch who's powers match those of Gandalf the Grey and
who has mastered the art of potion making so well that it would make
Professor Snape smile(well maybe not)...
Christmas morning came and I awoke choking on a silent scream as my face had doubled in size (at least it felt like it on my side) and the pain was horrible, it felt like I had toothache in my cheekbone, eye socket and every tooth on one side of my mouth ... I spent the day popping pills, rubbing on oils and inhaling the sweetest smelling steam vapour.... oh and drinking copious amounts of alcohol....... and I smiled, well it was more of a lopsided grin but the festivities continued anyway and we all had an excellent Christmas lunch conjoured up by the flick of the witch's wand(if only). The afternoon saw more and more guests arrive and I kept disappearing into the kitchen to pop pills, rub on oils and inhale steam.... oh and open yet another bottle. Eventually my wife(being teetotal) put the last of the guests in the car and drove them home whilst I sat down to finally watch some Christmas tv for the first time, I saw about five minutes of Dr Who(from the middle) and promptly fell asleep, well it was more like a deep unconsciousness even a comatose state that I slipped into with one arm around the dog and still wearing my lopsided grin. I'm unsure whether this was an effect of the Witch's brews, the drugs or the alcohol... but I surmise it was the mixture of all three. My wife woke me in time for me to see the last four minutes of Dowton Abbey, She fed me and filled a hot steamy
Boxing day arrived, so my wife, my face and I squeezed into the front of the car and took the dog for a walk around the park, my wife said that I shouldn't worry as it was barely noticeable but to me it felt like everyone we passed stared and pointed in disbelief at the hideous humanoid alien creature standing before them, I heard sniggers from every group of dog walkers and there was the occasional blood curdling scream of some child running off in front of us with a look of horror frozen on their small faces..
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