Advent has begun

With the arrival of the 1st of December we open the first door of the Advent Calendar and taste the first seasonal chocolate..... fight it people..... it's a TRAP!! ... it's that 'do you take the red pill or the blue pill' question. Once that chocolate is in your mouth there is no turning back, you are well and truly locked into the festive season..... do not eat the chocolate and you can carry on in blissful ignorance... in total denial.... la la la la

MY SCORE SO FAR
Christmas chocolates eaten............ nil
Christmas cards sent...................... nil
Christmas presents bought............. nil
Christmas trees up.......................... nil
Christmas decorations up............... nil
Christmas movies watched ........... one.... Bastards!!!

That's  me, I refuse to accept that Christmas has arrived until I am pushed out of the door and told not to come back without her present. It's not that I don't like Christmas, I love it, I love the songs, I love the smells, I love the sights, I love the atmosphere surrounding everything... I even love having the in-laws round for lunch BUT I like my Christmas to last from around 21st-22nd Dec until 27th-28th Dec..... and that's enough, you can get too much of  good thing, I do not want Christmas in my face in August, then slowly and steadily being drip Fed brain-washing adverts telling me what to buy, what to eat, what to drink, what to wear and what music to play to make it a perfect Christmas, anything less and you've failed to provide your family with perfection and you should be seriously punished and have your children removed from your care immediately.

You should be pitied, ridiculed and labelled as a bad consumer and a bad parent because Christmas isn't Christmas unless it's a corporately inspired Christmas. Yes, that is what they want you to believe, that is why more people suffer from depression at this time of year, why burglaries and muggings go up.. my neighbours are already curtain twitching because they know that sometime in the next three weeks a get-away car will be parked in our road while the petrol station around the corner gets knocked off by an armed gang, yep the neighbours are having their seasonal 'be the fist to report it' competition, if I spot the gang I'd probably tweet about it before calling the cops.
Soon the cards will be dropping through the letter box, spewing Christmas cheer and goodwill to all men all over the hall carpet... Well bugger off it's too early, I still have the absolute hell of the shopping  nightmare to go through before I can even consider dishing out an iota of goodwill to all of those faces, twisted in anger, fear and  anguish racing around the shopping centre's buying bundles of tinsel, baubles and all manner of seasonal tat, bags full of 'Stuff' that no one wants... they have reams of wrapping paper with bows and ribbons.... most of which will still be in some cupboard 5 years from now.... and food shopping in the supermarkets..... I get shivers just thinking about it.... tv brainwashing at it's best, panic buying over the ingredients seen on one of the hundreds of Christmas recipes shown on every channel on the three month lead up to Christmas.... the followers and disciples of the advertising prophets, practising their faith in the many Temples of the Consumerist Religious Order.

STOP IT... THAT'S NOT WHAT IT'S ABOUT...

Don't worry, I'm not a religious man, I know Christmas is a Christian festival and it's all about the son of God coming to earth to save mankind from himself.... Well if it was true, it didn't work did it, science has again and again disproved the so called holy scriptures but still the faithful trot along to church and put their hard earned money in the collection tins for some of the richest organisations in the world and give thanks for.... for what, for if God was real all you could thank him for is abandoning mankind to his own greed, for allowing hundreds of millions over the centuries to die in wars started in his name.. for wars were always about religion... 'were'... now they're all about who controls the oil. As for the Islamic extremists, I can not keep my abhorrence........

STOP IT... THAT'S NOT WHAT IT'S ABOUT NEITHER

What Christmas is about to me is 'family', giving thanks... to each other, for each other... family is more than blood, everyone you want in your life (and some you don't) are your family... Christmas, to me is time away from the chores of survival to sit and think about, meet with, call up and be with your life's family... past and present... near and far... friend or foe... they are all in your life to teach you something and watch your back so be thankful. So now that you know what it's all about....for me, that is..... find your own friggin excuse....

 

Now where's that advent calendar.... I need Chocolate!!

Thomas Elliott Campbell (My Dad)

I promised this post a while ago but have found it a difficult one to finish and I think it will be one that I'm constantly editing...... but here goes.

Sadly I lost My Dad in January of this year Dad was not a famous man out in the big wide world. He did not break any world records or win the Nobel Peace Prize, in fact he was a very humble man but in the small mining community where I grew up, if you asked anyone if they knew Tot Campbell they would have a story to tell of his exploits. Like many others of his generation he was an honest, proud working class man. A man of integrity with strong personal ethics, beliefs and principles. A man who was prepared to stand up and defend those beliefs and principles at all cost . A man who has bequeathed those strong ethics and princples to all of his children and I am proud to have them as part of my biological makeup.

Dad was born in November 1932 and used to enthrall me with tales of his childhood during the second world war. Dad was very good at football and in 1946 played on the most successful Camden Square School football team in the history of the school. In 2011 the team of '46 hit the local press again by organising a team reunion and they were all there, including the coach who had just celebrated his 100th birthday.

Also in 1946, at the age of just 14 dad left school and went to work down the local pit. Where he worked until he was forced into early retirement following the pit closure in 1991, which was all part of the Tories great plan to kill the unions and begin the reversal of workers rights. It was a career that almost cost him his life when he was seriously injured and buried alive for several hours when the roof of the coal seam he was working on caved in. We were the first in our street to own a colour TV which Dad bought with the compensation from the accident. He was a devout Labour supporter and if you cut him in half you would have found the letters NUM running through his core. He always gave back to the mining community which he loved so much and was so proud to be a part of, he sat on several committees throughout his life in an effort to help and enrich the lives of the people within that community.

 

Dad enjoyed the simple pleasures in life, the fellowship and banter of good friends, sunny afternoons on his allotment, family days out with a picnic but most of all he loved his life with Mum, he met Mum when he was just 16 years old, Mum was 14 and they remained a devoted couple for the next 64 years until she was cruelly taken from him just months before their 60th wedding anniversary. A wound that never really healed.

So farewell Dad, I take comfort in the knowledge that you are finally back in the arms of your soul mate and..... 

 I am proud to have been called your Son.

Choices

This week, I and all of my colleagues received a rather hastily drafted letter from work announcing that the local travel authority, Merseytravel would be beginning the long process of procurring brand new rolling stock for the Merseyrail Network. The reason for the letter being hastily written is because Merseytravel released a press announcement the following day. The press announcement was a lot more informative than the letter when it came to the subject of job losses and basically translated to.... The position of Guard will no longer be required. Shock... Horror... Outrage... Fear.... I heard it all at work as it slowly sank in that we, the 98 guards at Birkenhead Central traincrew depot as well as the guards in our Kirkdale and Southport depots would all be out of a job in the near future. There was a lot of talk at work about what the future will bring and how the Company will attempt to absorb and redistribute around 200 displaced staff into different roles within the company.... they won't... even I can do those maths.
So what are my options? well I always intended to take early retirement at the age of 60 so that I can enjoy life while I am still fit enough to get around, climb mountains, ride a bike and even laugh without pissing myself. So realistically the timing could be perfect for me as I hit 60 in around 7 years which is a similar timescale to the demise of the current 507/508 units and hence the final guard's position. So providing the Company are willing to offer some sort of redundancy package for people willing to leave early, I could actually walk out of the door at the same time that I planned but I could walk out carrying a swollen financial package instead of walking out with my hands in my pockets........Then What? .....
I could look for another full time position of enslavement and start all over again as the grey haired new kid on the block but then what is the use of taking early retirement.

or I could work part time perhaps as few as a couple of days a week .. but I feel thats like walking a dog on an extendable roamer lead, allowing the dog to run so far and feel like its on the verge of freedom before being yanked back to reality with a neck breaking jerk.

or I could leave this land becoming one of the many thousands of UK citizens 'swarming' foreign borders to gain a better return for their pound like the economic migrants so hated for heading to England for a better life.
This is my favourite choice to date. I could load up the adventure bus, point it towards the sun and head off in search of like minded adventurers gathering for the final chapter of their lives in a far flung corner of the globe in a real life 'most exotic Marigold hotel'.


Whatever I choose for the end.... it is still a new beginning.... and a whole new adventure

it's been a while

It's been a while, well it's been more than a while.. I started this blog two years ago as a self-couselling tool to sort out my head and empty it of negative thoughts following the life changing kangaroo court I had to endure at work which resulted in myself being branded a heinous cyber bully and social pariah àmongst my peers. This judicial farce was quickly followed by the deaths of several family members in rapid succession, the most devastating being my beloved Mum whom I still miss very much to this day. The blog did what it was created to do, it kept my sanity intact although it was very touch and go at times, bearly hanging by a thread. Grief fuelled depression, paranoia and self loathing had become the three constantly chattering voices in my head filling my thoughts with darkness and despair whilst my smile toward the outside world never wavered.
That was 2013 and I am pleased to say that I sailed gently through 2014 with a genuine smile on my face and the odd full blown belly laugh (something I missed greatly), more so out of work as there was still a slight paranoia about who I could and couldn't trust at work.
However now is 2015 and so far I've been struggling having lost my father in January (I will write a separate post dedicated to my dad) we then lost my wife's dad in April who was more than a father inlaw to me, he was an old workmate too. My sister is having some sort of mini breakdown I think and is refusing to return any sort of correspondence or contact with the family. 

My blog however saved me from that journey into the darkness, allowing me to write down all of my most raw and intimate feelings in short story form or just an openly desperate and angry rant. This eventually cleansed me through to my soul. The darkest and most personal of my scribblings were held in draft form and later deleted, never being posted but that was all part of the healing process. I would read them over and over again picking fault with my thought process and applying logic to the insanity just as a counsellor or psychiatrist would do in reality. It worked and the voices in my head eventually began to recede. I kept on scribbling about anything and everything, for every post I published there would be two resigned to the waste basket. The writing stopped at the same time as the voices disappeared completely, there was no further reason to write.

So in summary, I think 2015 may become another blogger counselling session.

I recommend everyone to try it.... especially all of you insane buggers out there

Ozgate.... Time to move on

These are my own thoughts and opinions on recent events in 'MY' life and are not intended to offend anyone, no matter how fragile their ego's

Today 22/02/2014 is the last day of my 12 month 'Final Warning' at work... A final warning that I received for Gross Misconduct under the Company Bullying and Harassment Policy. A punishment which(in my opinion) was both harsh and unmerited.
I believe that I would have been sacked on that day 12 months ago had it not been for the valiant determination of my union representative, sacked merely to set an example and to send a message to all of my colleagues that banter on social media is to be strictly prohibited by the Company.
Despite having a impeccable record for the 11 years that I had been employed by the Company, and I mean impeccable! I had never be disciplined, warned or even so much as told to fasten my tie, I have not had a single day's absence in all of those years.... but this record counts for nothing when an 'example' is required by the Company.
I've been told that the story I published on Facebook was childish and unprofessional, resulting in members of the management team being both offended and outraged. This was emphasised by showing me emails from certain managers stating that they would find it difficult to work with me in a professional capacity in the future.
Even though I thought the whole thing was a farce and a witch hunt I took my punishment on the chin and got on with it. During the kangeroo court I stated that I wanted to apologise to the managers involved face to face so that I could explain my actions man to man however I was advised against this.
In the end I wrote eight personalised letters of apology to which I received only one acknowledgement stating that a chat would be beneficial(a chat I'm still waiting for 12 months later) I heard nothing from the rest of these responsible, mature 'Professionals'
In fact the 'Ozgate' incident has not once been mentioned to me by any member of the management team, well to tell you the truth nothing at all has been mentioned to me by any of the management team because other than 'Good Morning' and 'Good Night'(plausible deniability)  the management team haven't spoken to me, they have ignored me, ignored emails, they have blanked me in front of my colleagues and one has even ran away and hid from me, on more than one occasion..... and I'm supposed to be the immature one.
Nothing in the last year has in anyway shown any indication to me that those managers are now able to work with me or do not hold a grudge against me.
I find this more annoying than worrying, Annoying that I will have to find another social medium on which to publish my childishness to the masses.
So I think that you'll all agree that it's time to file away Ozgate into a deep vault and move on

It is over and I WILL once again regain my childishness.....

 and share it

2013

What can I say about 2013?

It was probably the worst year of my life so far, well actually, let me rephrase that ... it was most 'definitely' the worst year of my life so far.
It was a year that introduced me to a whole range of first experiences.... as a happy-go-lucky not-a-care-in-the-world-kind of guy which I have successfully strived to be since the age of 5 years old. 2013 was the first time in my life that I have truly experienced Stress, Anxiety, Self-Doubt, Solitude and even full blown Depression.
It was a year of desperate grief, sadness and mourning with loss of several people close to me including my wonderful mother.

In the chronicled history of ME, 2013 will always be known as the Dark Ages

 I'm not sure exactly when the rot may have set in and it's a sad thing to say but I can't remember the last time that I actually laughed uncontrollably..... a real belly laugh.... and that is something that I used to do a lot

So I for one will be glad to see the back of 2013!! Roll on the New Year and roll on a fresh start for everyone that I care about, my wife, my family, my old friends and my new friends...
I wish you all a very Happy New Year, I hope that you all find love, wealth, health and happiness in abundance...

ROLL ON 2014

I would like to dedicate this quick post to my adorable and loving wife, Diane 
for being my Rock during a very difficult year, without whom
 I would have cracked up completely and ended up
 in the corner staring and drooling uncontrollably.

Christmas

Having just had three very over indulgent days off and having been well and truly stuck in 'Party Mode'.. although I have to say it wasn't all plain sailing the constant pill popping helped a great deal. 'Pill Popping'? I hear you gasp... yes Aspirin, Paracetamol.. anything that I could get my hands on. I had been thinking for a while that I could feel the stirrings of a cold or worse, Man Flu.... brewing, hiding, waiting, ready to pounce at the first sign festive happiness.... a Grinch in the form of a cold coming around to steal Christmas..... But it wasn't the Grinch disguised as a cold.. it wasn't Man Flu.... it was a festive bout of Sinusitis, which saw me wake up on my
birthday(Christmas Eve) feeling like I was wearing the the face of John Merrick. One side of my face had swollen and fallen making me resemble a fat faced stroke victim. My wife who I am convinced is a witch who's powers match those of Gandalf the Grey and who has mastered the art of potion making so well that it would make Professor Snape smile(well maybe not)...

Well anyway, the wife made me something to rub on my face and something to inhale to clear my blocked sinus drain. The pain was fairly mild then so we laughed it off and I took a couple of aspirin, rubbed the concoction of dead plant essence on my misshapen cheek and got on with the birthday celebrations and a good time was had by all, it was my best 21st birthday so far.

Christmas morning came and I awoke choking on a silent scream as my face had doubled in size (at least it felt like it on my side) and the pain was horrible, it felt like I had toothache in my cheekbone, eye socket and every tooth on one side of my mouth  ...  I spent the day popping pills, rubbing on oils and inhaling the sweetest smelling steam vapour.... oh and drinking copious amounts of alcohol....... and I smiled, well it was more of a lopsided grin but the festivities continued anyway and we all had an excellent Christmas lunch conjoured up by the flick of the witch's wand(if only). The afternoon saw more and more guests arrive and I kept disappearing into the kitchen to pop pills, rub on oils and inhale steam.... oh and open yet another bottle. Eventually my wife(being teetotal) put the last of the guests in the car and drove them home whilst I sat down to finally watch some Christmas tv for the first time, I saw about five minutes of Dr Who(from the middle) and promptly fell asleep, well it was more like a deep unconsciousness even a comatose state that I slipped into with one arm around the dog and still wearing my lopsided grin. I'm unsure whether this was an effect of the Witch's brews, the drugs or the alcohol... but I surmise it was the mixture of all three. My wife woke me in time for me to see the last four minutes of Dowton Abbey, She fed me and filled a hot steamy  cauldron  bath full of pleasant smells and spells. After a long soak with my cheek dangling loosely over the side of the bath I called it a night and carried my face off to bed

Boxing day arrived, so my wife, my face and I squeezed into the front of the car and took the dog for a walk around the park, my wife said that I shouldn't worry as it was barely noticeable but to me it felt like everyone we passed stared and pointed in disbelief at the hideous humanoid alien creature standing before them, I heard sniggers from every group of dog walkers and there was the occasional blood curdling scream of some child running off in front of us with a look of horror frozen on their small faces..

so we headed for the in-laws for leftover turkey and chips(a family tradition) and a large side order of painkillers. Even the in-laws dog was a bit wary of the stranger with the long face and wouldn't come near me to start with so I went home, sat in front of the television for the rest of the day and hid my face behind my computer screen allowing the loose bits to come to rest in the Quality Street tin.

Luckily, Today the swelling has gone down, the pain has eased a bit and my face is almost back to it's hideous normality. So all is well with the world once again  I am now ready to return to the mundane routine, and unsociable hours of late shift life on the Railway. Christmas Eve(My Birthday), Christmas Day and Boxing Day have been a pleasant break from life in the shadows ferrying human dross around but these happy distractions must come to an end so it's time to press post and head for work