2013

What can I say about 2013?

It was probably the worst year of my life so far, well actually, let me rephrase that ... it was most 'definitely' the worst year of my life so far.
It was a year that introduced me to a whole range of first experiences.... as a happy-go-lucky not-a-care-in-the-world-kind of guy which I have successfully strived to be since the age of 5 years old. 2013 was the first time in my life that I have truly experienced Stress, Anxiety, Self-Doubt, Solitude and even full blown Depression.
It was a year of desperate grief, sadness and mourning with loss of several people close to me including my wonderful mother.

In the chronicled history of ME, 2013 will always be known as the Dark Ages

 I'm not sure exactly when the rot may have set in and it's a sad thing to say but I can't remember the last time that I actually laughed uncontrollably..... a real belly laugh.... and that is something that I used to do a lot

So I for one will be glad to see the back of 2013!! Roll on the New Year and roll on a fresh start for everyone that I care about, my wife, my family, my old friends and my new friends...
I wish you all a very Happy New Year, I hope that you all find love, wealth, health and happiness in abundance...

ROLL ON 2014

I would like to dedicate this quick post to my adorable and loving wife, Diane 
for being my Rock during a very difficult year, without whom
 I would have cracked up completely and ended up
 in the corner staring and drooling uncontrollably.

Christmas

Having just had three very over indulgent days off and having been well and truly stuck in 'Party Mode'.. although I have to say it wasn't all plain sailing the constant pill popping helped a great deal. 'Pill Popping'? I hear you gasp... yes Aspirin, Paracetamol.. anything that I could get my hands on. I had been thinking for a while that I could feel the stirrings of a cold or worse, Man Flu.... brewing, hiding, waiting, ready to pounce at the first sign festive happiness.... a Grinch in the form of a cold coming around to steal Christmas..... But it wasn't the Grinch disguised as a cold.. it wasn't Man Flu.... it was a festive bout of Sinusitis, which saw me wake up on my
birthday(Christmas Eve) feeling like I was wearing the the face of John Merrick. One side of my face had swollen and fallen making me resemble a fat faced stroke victim. My wife who I am convinced is a witch who's powers match those of Gandalf the Grey and who has mastered the art of potion making so well that it would make Professor Snape smile(well maybe not)...

Well anyway, the wife made me something to rub on my face and something to inhale to clear my blocked sinus drain. The pain was fairly mild then so we laughed it off and I took a couple of aspirin, rubbed the concoction of dead plant essence on my misshapen cheek and got on with the birthday celebrations and a good time was had by all, it was my best 21st birthday so far.

Christmas morning came and I awoke choking on a silent scream as my face had doubled in size (at least it felt like it on my side) and the pain was horrible, it felt like I had toothache in my cheekbone, eye socket and every tooth on one side of my mouth  ...  I spent the day popping pills, rubbing on oils and inhaling the sweetest smelling steam vapour.... oh and drinking copious amounts of alcohol....... and I smiled, well it was more of a lopsided grin but the festivities continued anyway and we all had an excellent Christmas lunch conjoured up by the flick of the witch's wand(if only). The afternoon saw more and more guests arrive and I kept disappearing into the kitchen to pop pills, rub on oils and inhale steam.... oh and open yet another bottle. Eventually my wife(being teetotal) put the last of the guests in the car and drove them home whilst I sat down to finally watch some Christmas tv for the first time, I saw about five minutes of Dr Who(from the middle) and promptly fell asleep, well it was more like a deep unconsciousness even a comatose state that I slipped into with one arm around the dog and still wearing my lopsided grin. I'm unsure whether this was an effect of the Witch's brews, the drugs or the alcohol... but I surmise it was the mixture of all three. My wife woke me in time for me to see the last four minutes of Dowton Abbey, She fed me and filled a hot steamy  cauldron  bath full of pleasant smells and spells. After a long soak with my cheek dangling loosely over the side of the bath I called it a night and carried my face off to bed

Boxing day arrived, so my wife, my face and I squeezed into the front of the car and took the dog for a walk around the park, my wife said that I shouldn't worry as it was barely noticeable but to me it felt like everyone we passed stared and pointed in disbelief at the hideous humanoid alien creature standing before them, I heard sniggers from every group of dog walkers and there was the occasional blood curdling scream of some child running off in front of us with a look of horror frozen on their small faces..

so we headed for the in-laws for leftover turkey and chips(a family tradition) and a large side order of painkillers. Even the in-laws dog was a bit wary of the stranger with the long face and wouldn't come near me to start with so I went home, sat in front of the television for the rest of the day and hid my face behind my computer screen allowing the loose bits to come to rest in the Quality Street tin.

Luckily, Today the swelling has gone down, the pain has eased a bit and my face is almost back to it's hideous normality. So all is well with the world once again  I am now ready to return to the mundane routine, and unsociable hours of late shift life on the Railway. Christmas Eve(My Birthday), Christmas Day and Boxing Day have been a pleasant break from life in the shadows ferrying human dross around but these happy distractions must come to an end so it's time to press post and head for work

Portarians

Just a quick one as an addition to my earlier post 'The Ninja's and Friends'

I've told you about the Hoodies and the Northface Ninjas that I really enjoy interacting with on a daily basis whilst going about my work.... Well, it's about time I mentioned the 'Portarians', a sub-category of the 'Crazies' ... As my alter ego, Flash Gaz,  Saviour of the Network. I am constantly battling against these retched inbred creatures from the Planet Elles Mere Port known as Portarians... they have a

hideous skeletal-like appearance with very few teeth and sunken lifeless eyes, their skin is discoloured with a hint of jaundice yellow, their hair is dirty and matted and usually carries an aroma of stale urine. They dwell on the fringes of society, begging and stealing to feed their habit of Methadone and cheap cider.

Myself and my fellow Guardians of the Network, armed only with our sonic whistles, travel the Network in our 507/508 Intergalactic Passenger Transportation Craft trying to protect the normal,, unsuspecting law abiding citizens from these heinous creatures under the guidance of the great Jedi Knight known as (Censored), he reports directly to Darth (Censored), right-hand man to Emporer (Censored) himself


I give up, Sorry folks but these new rules about NOT using the names of sensitive members of staff just aren't working..... come back when I've discovered some non-sensitive members..... and the Story will Continue