Choices

This week, I and all of my colleagues received a rather hastily drafted letter from work announcing that the local travel authority, Merseytravel would be beginning the long process of procurring brand new rolling stock for the Merseyrail Network. The reason for the letter being hastily written is because Merseytravel released a press announcement the following day. The press announcement was a lot more informative than the letter when it came to the subject of job losses and basically translated to.... The position of Guard will no longer be required. Shock... Horror... Outrage... Fear.... I heard it all at work as it slowly sank in that we, the 98 guards at Birkenhead Central traincrew depot as well as the guards in our Kirkdale and Southport depots would all be out of a job in the near future. There was a lot of talk at work about what the future will bring and how the Company will attempt to absorb and redistribute around 200 displaced staff into different roles within the company.... they won't... even I can do those maths.
So what are my options? well I always intended to take early retirement at the age of 60 so that I can enjoy life while I am still fit enough to get around, climb mountains, ride a bike and even laugh without pissing myself. So realistically the timing could be perfect for me as I hit 60 in around 7 years which is a similar timescale to the demise of the current 507/508 units and hence the final guard's position. So providing the Company are willing to offer some sort of redundancy package for people willing to leave early, I could actually walk out of the door at the same time that I planned but I could walk out carrying a swollen financial package instead of walking out with my hands in my pockets........Then What? .....
I could look for another full time position of enslavement and start all over again as the grey haired new kid on the block but then what is the use of taking early retirement.

or I could work part time perhaps as few as a couple of days a week .. but I feel thats like walking a dog on an extendable roamer lead, allowing the dog to run so far and feel like its on the verge of freedom before being yanked back to reality with a neck breaking jerk.

or I could leave this land becoming one of the many thousands of UK citizens 'swarming' foreign borders to gain a better return for their pound like the economic migrants so hated for heading to England for a better life.
This is my favourite choice to date. I could load up the adventure bus, point it towards the sun and head off in search of like minded adventurers gathering for the final chapter of their lives in a far flung corner of the globe in a real life 'most exotic Marigold hotel'.


Whatever I choose for the end.... it is still a new beginning.... and a whole new adventure

it's been a while

It's been a while, well it's been more than a while.. I started this blog two years ago as a self-couselling tool to sort out my head and empty it of negative thoughts following the life changing kangaroo court I had to endure at work which resulted in myself being branded a heinous cyber bully and social pariah àmongst my peers. This judicial farce was quickly followed by the deaths of several family members in rapid succession, the most devastating being my beloved Mum whom I still miss very much to this day. The blog did what it was created to do, it kept my sanity intact although it was very touch and go at times, bearly hanging by a thread. Grief fuelled depression, paranoia and self loathing had become the three constantly chattering voices in my head filling my thoughts with darkness and despair whilst my smile toward the outside world never wavered.
That was 2013 and I am pleased to say that I sailed gently through 2014 with a genuine smile on my face and the odd full blown belly laugh (something I missed greatly), more so out of work as there was still a slight paranoia about who I could and couldn't trust at work.
However now is 2015 and so far I've been struggling having lost my father in January (I will write a separate post dedicated to my dad) we then lost my wife's dad in April who was more than a father inlaw to me, he was an old workmate too. My sister is having some sort of mini breakdown I think and is refusing to return any sort of correspondence or contact with the family. 

My blog however saved me from that journey into the darkness, allowing me to write down all of my most raw and intimate feelings in short story form or just an openly desperate and angry rant. This eventually cleansed me through to my soul. The darkest and most personal of my scribblings were held in draft form and later deleted, never being posted but that was all part of the healing process. I would read them over and over again picking fault with my thought process and applying logic to the insanity just as a counsellor or psychiatrist would do in reality. It worked and the voices in my head eventually began to recede. I kept on scribbling about anything and everything, for every post I published there would be two resigned to the waste basket. The writing stopped at the same time as the voices disappeared completely, there was no further reason to write.

So in summary, I think 2015 may become another blogger counselling session.

I recommend everyone to try it.... especially all of you insane buggers out there