The Evening Rush Hour

With my eyes clenched tightly shut I yearned to wake to the smell of a log fire, in an idyllic country cottage on the edge of a wood with a gently flowing stream and just a few acres of arable land in which to grow and rear my daily requirements, with a vista of rolling hills and pine forests in my very own rural utopia.... but alas I was stuck in my own living nightmare, sitting in the rear cab of a slow moving, delayed train, which in turn sat at the rear of a long line of slow moving delayed trains, each filled with an overcrowded cargo of tormented souls waiting grim faced for the gates of Hell to swallow them up, an anguished mass of humanity that a mere twenty minutes earlier had been a happy horde of homeward bound commuters. I felt the grey and yellow dumpster truck of depression lurch forward and I opened my eyes, not to a vista of rolling hills but to a miserable panorama of council estate rooftops, their tiles shiny and wet in the shadow of the menacing thunder clouds overhead. Below are the litter strewn streets dotted with small groups of youths, dark clad figures with their hoods up, huddled together in the rain, patiently waiting for trouble to find them and keep them entertained for the evening. All that was needed then was a death defying aerial display from the Azkaban Tormentors Formation Flying Team to really turn it into a party.

And so I proceed with the well rehearsed dance...... with a smile in my voice (special training is required for this remarkable skill)"May I have your attention please, I would like to apologise for the delay to your journey this evening, this is due to Blah Blah Blah" this is delivered to angry disbelieving stares which become angrier and more disbelieving with every word that rains down from the PA system above.... then I wait (the dance routine)... the first rumblings of annoyance to reach my ears are the usual openers "How long is this going to take"... "I have a bus to catch" ... "This is bloody typical" ... "It's the same every time I use this train"etc. Then it's my move, so with open arms (palms up) and a look of concern and understanding on my face, I begin to apologise..... (as per the rules of the dance) there is then an onslaught of rage filled insults, accusations and threats aimed at the Company, "It's a shit service and you're a Dickhead" ... "Why can't you get the failed train out of the way, because you're a f**king useless W**ker, that's why" (in their minds, I AM the Company and I have the power of a low ranking Deity but choose not to use it simply to annoy honest hard working folk like themselves) so it can often become quite personal but still, I stand and smile inwardly thinking of my little country cottage, ignoring the barrage of verbal abuse recoiling off my invisible cloaking device..... This night will stay in their memory for ever more and after dozens of uneventful journeys home they will hit another delay and they will all say "It's every time I use this service"... and so the dance will commence.

But eventually, whatever the hold up was ahead was cleared and we got moving with a mass sigh from the passenger coach. Through sheer professionalism and with a smiling 'Public Mask' we did what we are paid a pittance to do and delivered all of the now-not-so-happy commuters safely to where they wanted to be.... at home sat in front of the TV with their favourite microwave meal on their knee. while they eagerly try to work out if their favourite character from their favourite soap (the transsexual, tattooed, body building, alcoholic  junkie who suffers from PTSD due to his covert black ops work as an undercover toilet cleaner in Saddam's Royal Palace) is going to survive whatever traumatic event that has befallen the street, the square, the village pub... or whatever other location may suffer 1000 x the national average of disasters, deaths and other dastardly deeds.....

So all was well with the world again as we hurried the last few stragglers home who had informed their loved ones that due to deadlines and redundancy threats they would have to work a little later than usual(in the pub, obviously)... and then as I was settling down to a quiet second half of my late shift........

The  Crazies and Nightcrawlers came out to play............