it's been a while

It's been a while, well it's been more than a while.. I started this blog two years ago as a self-couselling tool to sort out my head and empty it of negative thoughts following the life changing kangaroo court I had to endure at work which resulted in myself being branded a heinous cyber bully and social pariah àmongst my peers. This judicial farce was quickly followed by the deaths of several family members in rapid succession, the most devastating being my beloved Mum whom I still miss very much to this day. The blog did what it was created to do, it kept my sanity intact although it was very touch and go at times, bearly hanging by a thread. Grief fuelled depression, paranoia and self loathing had become the three constantly chattering voices in my head filling my thoughts with darkness and despair whilst my smile toward the outside world never wavered.
That was 2013 and I am pleased to say that I sailed gently through 2014 with a genuine smile on my face and the odd full blown belly laugh (something I missed greatly), more so out of work as there was still a slight paranoia about who I could and couldn't trust at work.
However now is 2015 and so far I've been struggling having lost my father in January (I will write a separate post dedicated to my dad) we then lost my wife's dad in April who was more than a father inlaw to me, he was an old workmate too. My sister is having some sort of mini breakdown I think and is refusing to return any sort of correspondence or contact with the family. 

My blog however saved me from that journey into the darkness, allowing me to write down all of my most raw and intimate feelings in short story form or just an openly desperate and angry rant. This eventually cleansed me through to my soul. The darkest and most personal of my scribblings were held in draft form and later deleted, never being posted but that was all part of the healing process. I would read them over and over again picking fault with my thought process and applying logic to the insanity just as a counsellor or psychiatrist would do in reality. It worked and the voices in my head eventually began to recede. I kept on scribbling about anything and everything, for every post I published there would be two resigned to the waste basket. The writing stopped at the same time as the voices disappeared completely, there was no further reason to write.

So in summary, I think 2015 may become another blogger counselling session.

I recommend everyone to try it.... especially all of you insane buggers out there